Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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