Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
