Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
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Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
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Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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