Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
