is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
