Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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