So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
