My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
