every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
did i walk over a car last night?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
