Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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