who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
