Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
