you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
