If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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