Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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