I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
