fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
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We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
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T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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