Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
