I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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