I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
