I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
