I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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