Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
