he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
