oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
