my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
