Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
