Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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