i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
