I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
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