The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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