You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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