Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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