I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
