Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
