At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
are you so shy because you have an std?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
