I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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