I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
