Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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