I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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