my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize