my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
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