Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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