About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
