I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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