His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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