Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I wish I only lived at night.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
