69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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