Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
