worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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