Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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