Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
