Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
