i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize