omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
