Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
