Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
