If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
