You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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