The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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