That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
we made out on top of his cat.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
