Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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