Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
