She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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