It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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