He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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