It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
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So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
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I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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