why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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