Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
